Find Your Dreams In Nicholas Cage
by BlissfulCacophony
Summary: When Vriska finds a brochure for a theme park named after her favorite actor, she can't help but make vacation plans. A homestuck fanfic of the really preposterous slapstick variety. Contains minor amounts of John/Dave
1. Chapter 1

It was a dark and dreary morning on Alternia when Vriska awoke to the unholy screeching of a hungry Spidermom outside. She sighed as she stood up, and grumbled to herself. Spidermom was so whiney. She totally had plenty of food. She checked out her metal arm for any glitches before getting dressed in her regular black t-shirt, jeans, and jacket, knowing that today was the day. Today she was going to ask John a question she had been anticipating since yesterday. It was something she was a little embarrassed about, but she knew she didn't have to fear, seeing as she was telling somehow whom she knew shared the same feelings. There was no more hiding it. It was important that the truth come out. She opened up Trollian and with all the courage she could muster she sent a simple message to a certain favorite human of hers.

"Hey John, wanna go on a little trip?"

"Um. . ." Was John's hesitant response, and Vriska's heart pounded with fear that he might decline. "Sure, Vriska, but where would we be going?"

Vriska's fang flashed as she grinned, her fingers tapping excitedly on the keyboard. "Ohhhhhhhh, nowhere toooooooo special. Just your favorite place."

"And what's my favorite place?"

"Nicholas Cage."

It took some time for John to reply. ". . . Vriska . . . Nicholas Cage is a person . . . not a place."

"Oh, but it is John. The brocure says so." She looked down at the beautifully printed brocure, and read the contents which were written in dramatic lettering. "Here, it says 'Come to lovely Nicholas Cage, where you can spend all your time doing everything from staring intensely at the screen to stealing the Declaration of Independence'. . .whatever that is."

"Wow! Really? That sounds so cool!"

"So cool."

"We'll need to book hotel rooms, and take lots of pictures to prove to everyone that we were there!"

Vriska sighed dramatically. "Booking hotel rooms John? Really? Who needs to do that?"

". . . Everyone. My dad always said . . ."

"Forget that John. Where's your sense of adventure?"

"Okay . . . I guess you're right . . ."

"Ofcourse I'm right! Would I ever lead you wrong?"

"Well actually. . ."

"Who's going to be our camera person?"

"Do we need a camera person?"

"Of course John. How are we going to get pictures of us together if we don't have a camera person?"

"Okay . . . do you know anyone?"

"hmm . . . I've got it! I'll be right back."

"Okay!"

Vriska opened up another chat window, and looked for the first person who came to mind. Yes! She was online. As much as she didn't want her to come, she had no other choice, because everyone else was busy, and they could always keep her in the trunk or something.

"Hey Terezi."

"What do you want, Vriska?"

"Oh, Terezi, you hurt me. What makes you think I want something? I could be messaging you just to talk to you. Have you ever considered that?"

"Why would you want to talk to me if you didn't want something?"

Vriska thought about this for a moment. ". . .True. Fine, okay, I do want something, but it's nothing bad. I wanted to invite you to come on vacation with me and John."

"Why do you want me?"

"To take pictures of course! I'll even pay for you."

"Umm. . .do you really want the blind girl taking pictures?"

Vriska sighed because Terezi had a point, but it wasn't like everyone else hadn't clearly told her they were busy. "Well fine. I'll get someone to help you. You can choose."

"Can I bring Dave?"

"Sure."

"Fine, where are we even going?"

"Nicholas Cage."

"What's that?"

"Oh nothing you'd know of, and it's not important anyway. This vacation is for the real fans after all. Anyway, John and I will take care of all the planning. Just don't be late when Kanaya picks you up."

"Why Kanaya, might I ask?"

"Because Kanaya can drive and she has a human grub loading vehicle."

"She does?"

"Ofcourse! Well I'm pretty sure she does anyway. I think Karkat said something about it."

"Have you even asked her yet?"

Vriska hesitated, annoyed that Terezi was doubting her planning abilities. "No . . . but just let me do this, Terezi! I know what I'm doing."

"Sure you do."

"Whatever. I'll send you the information tonight."

"Fine."

"Fine."

Vriska sighed again and went back to her chat with John. "Alright. She can come, but we have to invite Dave along too. Can you take care of that arrangement?"

"Sure." Typed John. "I'm so excited for this!"

Vriska smiled. "Good. I'll send the info to everyone tonight." She got up from her computer chair and grinned. She was excited to, for tomorrow, even though she had to take Terezi along, she was going to a place named after the man of her dreams.


	2. Chapter 2

"Remind me why I have to come along?" Muttered Karkat as he sat in the passenger seat of Kanaya's minivan.

Kanaya, who was driving, looked over at him. "Because we need to go shopping and get your hair cut."

Karkat groaned. "What's wrong with how I look now?"

Kanaya raised her eyebrows at him, eyeing his turtleneck as if the answer was completely obvious. Karkat just gave her a concerned look as they pulled up in front of Vriska's hive.

"Will you tell her that we are here, Karkat dear?"

"Yeah." Grumbled Karkat, feeling suddenly very self-conscious as he buried the lower half of his face into the collar of his turtleneck and messaged Vriska.

Vriska was out before he had even finished typing, wearing an orange tank top, a jean jacket that only went down to her waist, short shorts, and hiking boots. Her hair was pulled into a ponytail and through the back of a blue baseball cap. She threw her duffle bag into the van before getting in herself.

"Remember that we have to pick up Terezi." She said, out of breath.

"Terezi?" Asked Karkat. "Why are you taking her along? I thought the two of you hated each other. Also, what the fuck are you wearing?"

Vriska rolled her eyes. "Oh my god, Karkat. Don't you know anything? This is the customary clothing to wear on human vacations. Also, it's not like I wanted to take Terezi. It's complicated okay?"

Karkat sighed dramatically. "Whatever. I don't give an actual fuck about what crazy things the two of you do."

"We will arrive at Terezi's hive soon." Interrupted Kanaya. "Karkat, message her so she will be ready."

o0o0o0o0

Terezi could smell her before she arrived. The deceptive blue raspberry candy scent filled her with distrust, but regardless, she started putting on her cherry red combat boots. Vriska had given her an odd code of dress for the occasion. She decided to embrace the opportunity in full.

By the time Karkat messaged her, she was already leaving the hive and descending the tree. She hopped into the minivan once it had pulled up and took the seat next to Vriska. She greeted her with her usual annoyed look. Her scent was overshadowing the delicious aroma of Karkat in the front seat.

"Not you too." Groaned Karkat, looking at the rainbow thigh highs, the turquoise tank top, and the plethora of colorful rubber bracelets on her arms.

"I told you, Karkat, it's customary." Said Vriska.

Karkat just shook his head. "Yeah, whatever."

"I think you both look very human vacation ready." Complimented Kanaya.

"Thank-you." Said Vriska. "See, Karkat, even Kanaya likes it."

Karkat just huffed as they rode to the train station.

"Don't kill each other, and have fun." Said Kanaya with a smile as she dropped them off. She looked at them seriously. "If either one of you doesn't come back in once piece, well, need I even threaten you both?" She uncapped her lipstick and started putting it on.

Vriska and Terezi gulped, exchanging concerned glances.

Kanaya smiled at them as they got out of the van. "You two have fun."

Vriska scoffed, taking out a map of the train routes. She looked it over, seeing nothing but a confusion of lines of different colors. "Seriously? I can't read this."

"Here, let me try." Said Terezi, snatching it from her and licking it.

"Terezi! Gog, you're so gross!"

"Shh." Shushed Terezi, smacking her tongue. "I think we should take the red line."

"You're just saying that because it's red."

"Okay, maybe I am. Maybe I have no idea, but maybe I'm right and you're just jumping to conclusions."

"Here, let me look at it again." She examined the map. "Ha! Found it! We're taking the red line."

Terezi scoffed as Vriska shoved her bag into her arms.

"You stay here, and don't get lost. I'll buy our tickets."

Terezi sighed and sat on a bench. "Fine."

Vriska bought them both tickets and returned only to find that Terezi was gone. She let out an exasperated sigh. "Oh my god, Terezi, where the fuck did you run away to?"

Terezi was following after a kid after a kid carrying a red balloon, coming very close to the tracks. It briefly crossed Vriska's mind that she could push Terezi into the tracks, but then she remembered Kanaya's threat and decided against it. Instead she ran after Terezi, ready to drag her back. She pushed through the crowd until she was close enough to seize her by the back of the shirt before she followed the balloon onto the wrong train.

"Hey!" Protested Terezi as she was pulled back.

Vriska sighed as people stared at them. "Sorry, my friend is blind. She doesn't know what she's doing." She looked at Terezi with disapproval. "How many times do I have to tell you to use your cane?"

Terezi pouted at her.

Vriska rolled her eyes. "Come on, our train will be here soon.'

o0o0o0o0

John sat on the couch of his home, waiting for Vriska to come pick him up. She should have been there an hour ago, because of course it need not be explained how Kanaya's minivan could go from Vriska's hive to John's house in a timely manner because that makes total and complete sense. He looked at his phone worriedly as Dave sat next to him. It also need not be explained how Dave was there so easily from Texas because that too is completely obvious and logical.

"Yo." Said Dave simply as he texted and snacked on potato chips.

"Hey." Sighed John. "I wonder when they're going to come. I haven't heard anything from Vriska all day."

"Really? That's strange. I've been texting Terezi all day."

"What? You've been texting her this whole time and you haven't even bothered to ask?"

"Hey, hey, chill. I'll ask now."

0o0o0o0o

Meanwhile, on the train, Terezi sniffed her most recent text and frowned as if dawned on her just exactly what they had done.

"Umm, Vriska?" She started.

"What is it, Terezi?"

"We forgot Dave and John."

She looked at her in shock. "We what? Oh gog." She facepalmed. "We forgot Dave and John." She groaned. "What have we done?"


	3. Chapter 3

Dave sighed. So they really had forgotten to pick them up.

"What is it?" Asked John.

"Oh, they just forgot us."

John facepalmed. "Seriously?"

"I know, man. Can your dad take us?"

"Umm, I can ask, but he probably has some really important business to do."

"Oh man, okay. Wouldn't want to interrupt that. I'll just ask my bro."

"Your bro can drive?"

"Yeah, of course he can. Just make sure you don't eat before riding with him."

"Uhh, that sounds kinda dangerous."

"Oh, we'll be fine. I'll call him now."

0o0o0o0o

The train ride was horribly long, and the whole system confusing. They had to transfer a few times, and each time they felt they were getting increasingly lost. Finally evening came, and Vriska had decided she'd had enough of it. She looked at the map one more time.

"Okay. We're really lost. I thik we should get off at the next town and get something to eat."

Terezi sighed. "Ugh. I just wanted to get there."

"Well this is what we get for letting the blind girl read the map."

"Hey, I didn't even touch it half the time. You're the one who got us lost."

"What? I'll have you know I'm excellent at map reading."

Terezi scoffed. "Of course you are." She sighed. "Listen, it's probably nobody's fault. This transit system is really confusing. We should just try again in the morning."

"Agreed." Said Vriska, and soon the next stop came.

They got off in a really touristy town full of restaurants and hotels. Vriska decided that she was going to take charge and be sure she didn't lose Terezi in order to keep Kanaya from getting angry at them. She also chose the restaurant, which was a small sitdown place where they could reorient themselves. They set their backpacks down as they were seated, glad to finally sit down.

Vriska opened up the map on the table. "Now, let's see where we went wrong."

The map was just a whole bunch of colored lines that hardly made any kind of sense. Vriska scrutinized it and then pretended to know what she was doing.

"Oh, now I see." She lied, as she put her finger on the purple line. "That's obviously the right way. I can't believe we didn't notice it before."

"Right. . ." Said Terezi, knowing she was faking it, but so unsure as well that she couldn't argue.

They ordered their food and ate before seeking out a hotel. Most were too expensive or booked. Finally they settled on a hotel room with one queen sized bed. Vriska knew already that this was going to be a rough night.

They set their backpacks down. Terezi changed into a big t-shirt and boxers while Vriska wore a tank top and sweatpants. They turned out the lights, and got into bed next to each other. It was surprisingly not awkward as they turned back to back.

"Goodnight, Terezi." Yawned Vriska, but Terezi was already asleep.

0o0o0o0o

Bro came to pick John and Dave up almost immediately, and after the most terrifying thirty minute drive of their lives, they finally made it to the big and beautiful monument that was Nicholas Cage.

"It's beautiful." Whispered John, looking at the amusement park in awe.

"Yeah, it really is." Sighed Dave, grabbing a huge wad of cash from his bro before he drove away. He took John's hand in the most casual and platonic way he possibly could. "Come on, let's go in."


	4. Chapter 4

Dave sat on a bench in the colorful amusement park, holding a large diet soda in a cup featuring a list of Nicholas Cage movies. John came trotting over, all grins as he held pink and blue cotton candy in his hands. He was just so. . .so. . .cute. his big dorky glasses, his overbite, his smile, his fluffy hair tousling gently in the breeze. Dave knew he ought to make a move or bury his emotions quickly.

"Here you are." Said John, handing Dave cotton candy, and sitting down, taking the pink for himself. "This has been a lot of fun, hasn't it?"

Dave looked fondly over at this friend, smiling. "Yeah, it really has."

0o0o0o0o

Vriska woke up with a weight on her chest, and well, her entire body. She groaned. "Terezi, get off of me."

Terezi didn't move, so Vriska pushed her off, sending her landing with a loud thud on the floor.

"Ow, Vriska." Terezi complained, groaning and sitting up, opening her groggy, sightless red eyes. "Smells like morning. What time is it?"

"Eight." Replied Vriska, taking her hair out of it's ponytail. "We better get ready, eat some breakfast, and get going again."

Terezi got up. "Alright. Let's hope we actually go to the right place this time."

They went down for breakfast and got ready to go before heading out to the train station. There they got on yet another train. It said Nicholoas Cage on it, so it had to be the right one. It was a little crowded, and the ride was long, but they still managed.

Terezi yawned and leaned against Vriska, stabbing her face with one of her pointed horns. Vriska pushed her off the seat. She got back up and they slept on each other for the rest of the ride. When the train stopped, they woke up and read the sign outside in horror. It read: "Welcome to someplace far away from Nicholas Cage."


	5. Chapter 5

"You have got to be kidding me!" Screeched Vriska as she looked at the sign.

"I'm going to call Karkat." Sighed Terezi. "He'll give us a ride."

They waited at the train station for an hour before Karkat pulled up in his beat up silver car, blasting heavy metal from his stereo and looking generally annoyed with his new haircut, which had obviously been cut with Kanaya's recommendation.

"Seriously you two?" He grumbled. "Don't you know how to use a fucking map? I mean this is the most ridiculous place you could have ended up."

"Just shut up and drive, Vantas." Groaned Vriska, getting in the back and letting Terezi take shotgun.

"Right. Just don't blame me if your dates are already done."

0o0o0o0o

"That was really fun." Said Dave nervously as they sat, waiting for his bro to come get them.

"Yeah it was." Agreed John with a smile.

Dave blushed furiously. John was absolute perfection. He slid his hand tentatively over John's and gulped.

"Uhh, John, can I . . . uhh, kiss you?"

John looked at him in surprise. "What?"

"No homo man, just please."

"Umm, o-okay."

Dave leaned in and kissed him, and John kissed him back just in time for Karkat to pull up and see them making out on the bench.

Terezi sighed. "Come on, Karkat, we should just let them be."

Vriska sighed too. "Yeah, let's just go home."

***(Authors note: So that's the end everyone! Please check the about section of my profile for information on upcoming content and schedules. Thanks for reading!) **


End file.
